December 2020- the final monthly check in of what seemed like a forever year- plus my 2021 intentions

 

This is it, everyone; the final monthly check-in for this eventful year. I cannot believe we made through this year. It to me seemed like a lot (I'm sure many people agree with me on this one). But I'm going to share what I did for this month and what I want to bring in for 2021.

At the beginning of this month, I decided to go ahead and order my Christmas presents for my parents and sister (trying to find ideas for all of them seemed like a lot). We did holiday baking this year (even if we weren't seeing as much people) and I ended up making a few recipes- vegan gingerbread cookies, eggnog snickerdoodles, chocolate chip cookies, etc. I even got out of my normal coffee drinks- made dairy free eggnog iced coffee, gingerbread cold brew coffee, and even a peppermint cold brew at one of my favorite coffee shops near where I live. It was nice to try different things. One weekend, I even did a christmas movie marathon (a mix of classics and modern ones)- it was a nice way to relax in this chaotic time of the year. 

Did a couple Advent calendars (one beauty one from Target which was a 12 day calendar + one I recieved for my birthday which was Nightmare Before Christmas themed), celebrated one of my doggies birthday (she just turned 12!) at home and even made pupcakes for her, too. Went away for the holidays to my grandparents house and it ended up being nice for most of it. Did a zoom call with extended relatives across the pond in England, had a Christmas Day that was surprisingly nice (recieved some unexpected things- the list would take me forever to type up- but one thing that was nice was the Golden Girls Monopoly board game). We also celebrate Boxing Day (have a little English heritage in me via my late Nana- miss her terribly!) and do a traditional English-ish dinner. Had a fun gift exchange that day, and we popped Christmas crackers (which is a traditional Boxing Day activity that is always fun to do). Around the time I was there, I decided to take a social media detox from Christmas Day until New Years Eve to just mentally + physically reset ahead of 2021. I plan to be back on the 1st of January 2021 (breaks from social media sometimes are fantastic for someone like me that is always go-go-go sometimes). 

This year was full of unexpectations and occurrences but we all got through it together even if we didn't think we would be able to do so. This was incredibly hard on those with mental health issues / disorders (especially me) and I'm thankful that this year is over (yes, I said it people!). I'm looking forward to whatever 2021 has to offer. 

Speaking of 2021, I'm going to share some of my intentions with you:

• No more sleeping in! This became a terrible habit for me in 2020 and I need to be awake when my alarm goes off.
• Practice mindful movement (ie yoga) and still stick with my daily meditation practice. Also rest more often, too! Don't always have to be busy all the time.
• Not giving myself a mile long to-do lists everyday- need to stick to less than 5 things and no more than that.
• Introduce more CBD into my wellness aspect of my life- I found this aspect in 2020 to be helpful with my anxiety / autism.
• Go back to doing therapy. I had set it for this year but this year took a turn of where everything went virtual (which I'm not a fan of)- so when person in person therapy is available again, I'd like to go- I found therapy helpful when I was going through my breakup in 2015. 
• Bring out my inner creative (ie painting); learn to play my black acoustic guitar I've been neglecting; cut back on refined sugars / chocolate before bed (I find this aggravates my sleep when I have the refined sugars / chocolate products before bed- causes me to toss and turn a lot).

I hope next year is full of magic, love, change and peace. Whatever you want to do with your life, I hope you find the courage to do whatever it is. Life is too short to not do what you want. Bring it, 2021! I'm ready for ya!

As per usual, here are some quotes I want to share with you:

I hope 2021 brings all that you want- I'm hoping to continue these posts for next year- let me know if you would like that. 

See you in a future post!

-Lauren-

November 2020 Monthly Check-In: What Happened? What's New? Anything Good?

Hello, everyone; this my second to last monthly check in blog post. I cannot believe I've been doing these posts since March of this year. These posts are a way of expressing how I've been doing during the pandemic. It has been physically and mentally a lot for me in this challenging year. But we've made it through and I do have a lot to look forward to for this last month of the year. Anyways, I'm going to share what November was like for me.

At the beginning of the month was the election and I was a bit anxious with who was going to win. I had such fearful things to come about within that week. But by the end of the week, I took a deep breath knowing I had nothing to worry about with this election. We had a movie night (watched Knives Out) and it ended up being good (love those murder mystery whodunit movies sometimes). That same night, I had a terrible headache and I found a DIY headache relief using essential oils (the only one I didn't have was rosemary but the main DIY was rosemary, lavender, eucalyptus, and peppermint; it helped tons) plus we had a mouse come into our house (that week in it's own hindsight felt "exhausting"). 

Had a couple life appointments (eye doctors'- got new lenses for my glasses + had a doctor's appointment too); decorated my room earlier than normal for Christmas (with this year, I think we all need some joy and happiness in our lives); wrote some more of "Chosen" for November too. Also a favorite band of mine (not as much as I love Fall Out Boy), All Time Low, did a virtual concert series called Basement Noise (in relation to song off of their new album Wake Up Sunshine) and Zack Merrick (one of the band members curated the setlist that November the 13th and it was great! It is worth the $15 and it made me excited for live music in 2021) Celebrated another trip around the sun (turned 28 on 11/17) and had a nice day of it. Recieved some lovely gifts (purple yoga pants- yes you read that right, Folklore by Taylor Swift, Love Goes by Sam Smith, Channel Kindness Lady Gaga book, a new purple water bottle with reminders when to refill on it, & a Dunkin Donuts e-gift card, a new Nightmare Before Christmas themed Advent calendar- plus a lovely card themed the same too). 

A week before we went to my grandparents for Thanksgiving, I was having some hestitation because of the family drama still lingering in my mind. I watched a great podcast episode via Kalyn Nicholson called "How to not deal with negative energy" and it was needed that week I actually went up for Thanksgiving. This trip to my grandparents was nice, and enjoyed seeing them as I always do. Thanksgiving was nice, and we celebrated my sister's birthday the same day as Thanksgiving (two celebrations in one! Whoo!). 

I wanted to mention one thing before I leave you with quotes; I did a charity via Facebook for my birthday that many people aren't familiar with. It's called To Write Love on Her Arms and they are a non-profit dedicated to helping those that are struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. I wanted to do this as someone who tried to attempt suicide back in 2016 when I was reeling from a breakup. And I wanted to do this for others that are struggling amid the pandemic being at home more. Because there are a lot people out there that may need that extra assistance with how this year has been as a whole. And to know that they aren't alone; I've got your back if you got mine. I was reaching for a total of $200 but I didn't reach to my goal of that. I was thankful to do something good for my 28th  trip around the sun. And for this year in general, we all needed to be taking care of ourselves and making sure we nurtured ourselves in the best ways possible. 

As I promised, here are some quotes to inspire you:

Well, I hope you enjoyed this post- I've got one left to end this challenging year sooner than later. Have a great day and take care of yourselves!

Sending love + light, 

Lauren

October 2020 Monthly Check In: How Has Everything Been? Life events? Anything good?

 

I've got another monthly check in blog post for you all today; October was quite a month for me and I thought I would share with you all how it was and what to look forward for November (it's a special month for me- it's my birthday month! also, it is my sister's birthday that month too cannot forget that!)

October, I was still finishing up a fitness challenge and I had hit a "few walls" within this challenge. They were a little mix of mental and physical; I was dealing with knee issues that hurt so bad I cried from the pain. Normally I can handle it and be fine but I couldn't; I was done with how my knees have been. I quit the challenge halfway through which now is regrettable. But I needed to do what was best for my overall health otherwise I would still be feeling the same way. Then a week after I quit my challenge, my back began to bother me. It was a signal from my body that I needed to rest. Resting for me is like trying to get a kid to sit still during time out (I would ultimately get up and do stuff when I know I'm not supposed to). So for a few days I had to be gentle on any "movement" that I wanted to do (ie yoga / stretching)- anytime I did this I aggravated my back. I should listen to my body more often (plus I aggravated it on Halloween and didn't even do any "movement" besides just walking or whatever else I wanted to do that wouldn't worsen it). 

The mental aspect that it came within quitting my challenge was that I was dealing with ongoing family drama. It's like the story never ends it just keeps going. I just let it get to me so much and one week I hit one of those "walls" I mentioned and just ultimately cried. I need to release whatever it was out of me. Then I remember my mom showing me a song her sister sent her and I continued to cry (it was a beautiful song). Getting those emotions out were helpful during that week of overwhelm. I did decide one weekend to visit my grandparents for a lovely short visit; I always appreciate seeing them whenever possible.

I also began to continue a story (ie "Chosen") I was putting off writing since June of this year! I hadn't realized it was 4 months since I wrote a chapter. I have updated it since then and it has been making me feel good on the days that I do get to write; it's therapy for me sometimes. I did celebrate my dad's birthday in October- made him a no bake peanut butter pie, had steak for dinner, and he also got a Washington nationals boxed set, too (he loved that!). Halloween, this year, was different; I was planning to dress up as Napoleon Dynamite (watch the movie and you'll see why I wanted to) but the thought of dressing up didn't excite me this year (I'll save it for next year maybe). I stayed in with my doggies, painted a few ceramic goodies, made goulash (it's a Halloween tradition in my household) and watched a lot of Halloween-esque movies I've seen a few times too many. It was nice to have something different to do!

I will share some quotes that I hope you will get inspired by or to just keep on tabs for whenever you need it:

Hope you enjoyed the post! Looking forward to whatever November brings- I hope it brings goodness, ease, and lots of rest (it's a bit of a busy month as I mentioned already). 

Sending lots of love & light your way, 

Lauren

September 2020 Monthly Check In: Life Events? How Am I Doing?

It's that time again for me to share what has been happening; I've been weirdly enjoying writing these posts since the start of the pandemic back in March of 2020. It's been a way for me to connect with you all in a way that feels comfortable. Anyways, I'm going to share what has been happening with me. 

Life this month, in a nutshell, has been all over the place (kind of like this year- I kid, I kid). Anywho, I'm still continuing daily workouts everyday. I came up with a concept to make my workouts a little bit easier: daily 10 via the Love sweat fitness app (that's a given I do this), a walk with either one of my doggies or a workout video of choice plus a cooldown of choice- yoga or stretching / foam rolling. I've found this concept very helpful when I cannot make my mind up on what to do. I'm still going to use this into next month on days when I need it and also I decided to Love Sweat Fitness's 31 day booty challenge for October 2020 (looking forward to this!). I've been thankful each day for motivating myself to do more movement and getting outside to do some of that movement. It just feels good when you get in nature and do your workout. It makes a wonder of a difference on your overall mood. 

I also got a new bed this month (which setting and putting together was a bit overwhelming)- I've always grew up with a twin bed- now a full size- it still takes getting used to. But I like it, and somedays getting out of that bed is harder said than done. Also, did a 30 day self care september challenge via love sweat fitness- it was a nice thing to accompany into my month. Went to visit my grandparents this month and it was an enjoyable trip. I also was still having a hard time accepting something when I was there and I couldn't even shake this feeling out of me to accept it. Then also that week I was home, I had a revisiting from my past- I was a mad mess in this scenario and I was not myself. When I went through my breakup in 2015, it was a difficult process to move forward and get on with my life. I had so much anger buildup when the dream happened. I had a panic attack one day when I was at my old program and no one did nothing. Just sat and stared at me; did nothing; oh Lord, did it make me angry? Yes it did. The head person that ran the program thought I was being overdramatic- it didn't help my ex was in the room either. I was, in the scenario, lashing out at the headperson and one staff member I didn't like. I was angry at them for not understanding my pain and what I was going through and the panic attack that happened there. It's okay now because I'm not going back to that part of my life anymore. That person that I mentioned (the angry one in the scenario) is gone. It scared me that happened- I thought the past was done and it didn't help it was a full / new moon that week either. I guess I needed to let go of the past for good. 

I did get a nice, short weekend to myself which wasn't bad at all; mostly cleaned, did laundry, my workouts and tidied up, too. Made a dish I hadn't made in an year- a noodle veggie dish with tofu over spicy sauce- I'll have to share the recipe over on my food blog soon. It was nice to just relax before a new month started up soon. I've also been feeling a bit overwhelmed with what has happened this month and I know it's just a season and I know it isn't permanent. Life teaches us things, and it also tells us to go forward and not look back. And I know with how our world has been, I'm looking forward to going forward (some not too much I don't like to rush). 

Here are some quotes that I hope inspire you:

Hope you all enjoyed this post- see you for October's post!

Sending lots of love and light your way,

Lauren

August 2020 Check-In: What's Happening? What I've Been Doing? How's Life?

 

Hi, again! It's time for another check-in to see how I've been and such; August was a month of discovery and clarity. I learned a lot of things about myself that I didn't know before (can do a workout move without stopping, that I'm good at baking bread, etc.) and I gained some insight on something personal in my life. But I'm going to go ahead and share how this month was. 

It was a good beginning to this month and I was committing to my workouts via Summer Shape Up everyday but I hit a wall in life. I've not slowed down enough to enjoy what life has to offer. I felt I was go-go-go all the time. So as much as I didn't want to do it- I took a hiatus of being offline for what was going to be a week. Then it was another week, then another week; finally I was proud to set time offline to do some things I've been putting off and some things I've been wanting to learn. I took a 3 week social media break (the longest I've been offline is 4 months that was back in 2017) and it was a good way to hit the reset button. I stayed committed still to my workouts, made more time to rest + relax, and even learned a few recipes (made homemade whole wheat bread + vegan Mac N Cheese). But I was dealing with a couple plateaus I wasn't expecting to happen. I had a mini situation I was dealing with at home I had a hard time understand because the person was doing so good and it went right back to where it started. I hope this person gets the help it needs. And the "family drama" resurfaced one day and it affected my anxiety (like with the last situation I mentioned) and I know I handle getting over and moving past this. Letting go of the one person that I thought was someone I could talk to wasn't easy for me. I feel a little freer knowing that the person isn't in my life anymore. I've learned better to not let myself consume so much toxicity. 

Besides being offline and learning new things, I had a birthday for Hyatt (he turned 9) and I made him pupcakes (he loved them- I even let Susie have some of them too). It feels surreal that he's 9; we got Hyatt after I finished high school. I remember picking him out at the shelter and I cried the day we got him. It was my first dog at the time I had in a while (my old dog Fozzie passed when I was a sophomore in high school). It's nice having a dog with such personality + he always knows how to make me laugh. Gosh, I love dogs! As I mentioned I continued my workouts and finished the challenge just this week. It also taught that I can stick with this more. I never knew fitness would have such a good impact on my life. It helps my mental health and overall self so much better. I love the good feeling you get after it. I plan on continuing the fitness aspect of my life more into next month (I'm not leaving out the yoga and meditation either- still continuing that). 

I know taking breaks from digital life is overall great for your mental health and sainty. But I've never knew how much clarity, calm and peace I would gain from it. I've learned a bit better to have a better relationship with the digital life. Sometimes life can be a lot, and it's okay to take breaks every once in  a while.

Plus I wanted to share the music I listened to while offline:

"Heart" by Flor

"Starting Again" by Daywave

"Killer Whales" by Smallpools

"Regret Regret" by Cold War Kids

And to end this post I'll share some quotes that I hope inspire you to do and be better:

Just know this, there are better days on the horizon and those days look better than you can anticipate. I hope you all have an awesome day! See you in future posts!

Sending love + light,

Lauren

July 2020 Check In

I'm doing another monthly blog post for you today; I'm going to tell you how everything last month was for me (mentally & physically). 

Around the beginning of last month, I started fitness back up again. Every summer, a blogger I follow named Love Sweat Fitness does a fitness challenge called Summer shape up. Well, as I enjoyed it last year why don't I do it again? I've been doing that a majority of the month- it's 8 weeks of different targeted areas over the body. Lemme me honest, the first week getting back into it was rough. I was a hot mess but as soon as the weeks came through with the challenge I got a routine down. It may have not been the same everyday but that was fine with me. I do 6 days of workouts (easy follow along videos I usually repeat 2 to 3 times; the user has an app of different moves- 3 sets of 10 reps of each of the moves) plus a stretch day on Sunday's. I'm continuing this until the end of August 2020. I am also incorporating more meditation into what would be just my yoga schedule. With my mental health being more up than normal  back in June 2020, I wanted to incorporate more of it. I find that plus my workouts have been helping me clear some things inside of my head.

I got to have a nice few days to myself at home with my doggies and got to cook too. Made baked oatmeal (vegan based)- which was coffee cake baked oatmeal and the bomb! Also did a chickpea quinoa salad over a lemony dressing, too. But one night as I was getting settled in to watch a movie on Netflix I noticed my body had like a shock and I was like, "What is going on? I cannot possibly be having one at night." I had a mini anxiety moment come out of nowhere. I was hyperventilating, crying, etc; I was all over the place. It took me a while to calm down but I thankfully was fine. I had been having some nightmares while I was sleeping (IE: family drama that is still in my mind) and I've been trying to resolve them. One day, I hit a good road block- these nightmares all seemed so clear as if they stopped and didn't come back. I've been having a better outlook with these dreams (which isn't a terrible thing). As a result of that episode I mentioned, I've been trying to cut out refined sugars / chocolate at night before bed (this has been tough because I love chocolate / something decadent). But I know having these at night can have a negative effect on my sleeping pattern I usually will toss and turn and worry (plus those nightmares / confusing dreams that make no sense). And I've been trying to stop having caffeine around 2 to 3 pm (this, my friends, has also been a struggle). 

I also got to visit my grandparents this month too; I was afraid of coming up because of my anxiety with the family drama that lingered from last month. But as I mentioned, I gained clarity from it and I felt okay to go up (I had to put myself first). We even got to take one of my doggies with us (dogs are the best!) and my other doggy got to go the kennel. I still go out on occasion to get coffee and groceries / essentials (safely of course) with family. With everything going on, I've been trying to prioritize rest and slowing down some. This is tough as I am someone that cannot slow down. I even got two power naps in last month. I decided randomly one week to do a throwback sorta week- watched two concert DVDs I own of bands I love- Fall Out Boy + My Chemical Romance; even managed to find throwback funny videos of them on YouTube. Gosh I felt like I was 18 again! It was nice to bring some of that joy in my life as the world still feels dark. 

Well, I hoped you enjoyed this post! As always, I will leave you with some inspiring quotes / things I find inspiring. See you for August's post soon!

Sending lots of love + light, 

Lauren

June 2020 Monthly Check In: What Am I Doing? What's Been Happening?

Hello, again; it's been another month of staying at home / going out when needed. I've had a bit of a month so I'll go ahead and share what has been happening.

June was a lot for me to handle as I was dealing with a lot of overwhelm (ie current events + family drama) and it wasn't something I wasn't expecting. The current events were making think of a friend of mine and how she was handling it. I was making sure she was okay and taking care of herself. She's a good person to be around. The family drama wasn't something I think I would handle well. It was an emotional process having to let go of these people that were in my life. But I think it is for the best.

I began writing a new story called "Chosen" and it tells the tale of Miles (a gay man) of who gets outed by his own Christian family. He comes across these people that are similar to him and he finally feels where he belongs. And I cannot wait to see how the story play out when I finish writing it. I also went to visit my grandparents for the first time in 6 months (hadn't seen them since Christmas 2019) and seeing them brought such joy to my eyes. I went out one of the days with my mom and grabbed a few things. Cooked dinner for them one night and I was surprised they liked it (made turkey meatballs, roasted potatoes, steamed broccoli and salad with dressing). It was nice to do that for them. Mostly lounged around, got coffee from Dunkin Donuts, did my yoga (also hopped on my grandmother's stationary bike too), and just enjoyed each other's company. 

I even dabbled into doing a smoothie challenge for 10 days via Simple Green Smoothies. There was a different smoothie for each day and a few of the ones I liked were: Peach Probiotic (combo of spinach, kombucha, frozen peaches, an added banana, 1/2 lime juiced, added chia seeds and topped with coconut sugar), Citrus Vegan (combo of spinach, water, orange, mango, pineapple, banana and added chia seeds), + Creamy Blackberry (oat milk, banana, blackberry, added rolled oats, and spinach). It felt good to do something for my health (hadn't done a smoothie challenge since January of this year). Also, signed up for the Love Sweat Fitness Summer Shape-Up fitness challenge for July-August (8 week challenge- hadn't done a challenge in a hot minute- took time off of doing fitness to help allievate my on / off knee issues).

I'm looking forward to seeing what July brings in (hopefully bigger and better things; allievate any anxiety / sadness that may come) and I'm hoping for a fresh start in July. I need it badly. 

I'm going to end this post with some quotes that I hope you find inspiring:

I hope whatever your life brings you I hope it brings you happiness and goodness. Give yourself grace everyday. Take care of yourself. Know your worth in this world. Let go of those that don't bring you any happiness. 

See you for July's monthly check in soon!

Sending lots of love and light your way,

Lauren

Monthly Update | How Has Life Been? What Have I Been Doing?

Hello, everybody! It has been almost a month from the last time I updated you all. And as I tell myself, "Some days are better than others." I stick to this statement more because everyday isn't going to be picture perfect. Life isn't meant to be perfect at all; it has it's flaws sometimes. I'm going to go ahead with the updates for you all.

At the beginning of May, it was starting off good. But I was letting the negative commentary from my sister (here are some examples: Did you wash your hands after touching the mail? Quit touching your face.) It went on and on for a few weeks. She since went to visit my grandparents and I've been on the struggle bus since she's left.

She left, I had to readjust to a new routine and we are still in the middle of a pandemic. It felt like my brain was going to explode with all of these changes. It even began to overwhelm me, too. I took some "mental" space from my sister to give myself time to work my way up to talk to her again (via the phone / facetime of course). I hated being away from her; she's my only sibling now people. I did eventually start talking to her over the past weekend (via phone) and it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Just to boost my spirits one week, I curated a movie week of all of my favorite movies- it helped in the most part. Sometimes you need to do the things that make you smile. I also has a realization too- I haven't had an ounce of alcohol since October 2017 (when I went to England). I did make this a personal choice for myself to not consume it and I hadn't been open to even saying it in a blog post (like the one you are currently reading). I didn't like the way it felt and it personally wasn't good to have on my anxiety. I don't plan on going back to that part of me anymore. 

I still talk to my personal one-on-one support lady over the phone; she's been such a gem calling me every week; speaking of a new phone and I caved and became a millennial- I have an iPhone 11 now (plus old airpods from my mom- Thanks, mom!). It's been an adjustment but I think I've been liking it. Love the camera on it (no shame to taking pictures of my dogs all the time). Speaking of my fur babies, Hyatt has to readjust too; he had an incident one afternoon walking with my dad and my other dog Susie and it led to getting a muzzle. This spiked my anxiety a bit. When Hyatt had on during walks, he tried to take it off with his paw and it led to a scab on his nose and it bled some; That still scared me. 

I've been baking + cooking still being at home; discovered single serve cookies and haven't looked back. I use one from Pinterest that's vegan based- peanutbutterpluschocolate.com. Great if you need something sweet! I also did homemade pita chips for my mom (it's good if you want something different other than crackers / tortilla chips). 

Right around the time my sister went to my grandparents, my parents went to do a drive-by for my grandmother's birthday / wedding anniversary / mother's day. My sister made her a Treacle tart (traditional England dessert) and we got her cookies from a coffee shop (which we had to pre-order- she loved those cookies!) Still continuing my yoga and I've taken a break from the dance workouts I used to do (trying to be easier on my knees) so I supplement the dance workouts with going for occasional walks. It's all about listening to what your body needs, than rather what it wants.

To close out the blog post here's some quotes:

 

And to add, the world may seem darker than it has been before. But I want to let you know that this world cannot be revolved on hate, we to let the love in. I hope you enjoyed this post and tune in for next month's post! Stay safe and hydrated, guys!

-Love, Lauren-

Monthly Update | How I've Been plus What I've been Doing + anything else I want to share

Hey, all! It's time to update on how I've been doing more at home and when I occasionally go out. Thankfully, this was the month (April) of where my anxiety was surprisingly kind to me more. There was days where it did hit me and I accepted that feeling as I should. 

Commentary has been getting to me more as of lately. Anytime I don't do this or that (ie washing my hands), and I constantly want to scream / cry / feel all the feels. And I know I shouldn't let commentary from one person in my household get to me so much. But it's gotten to be too much to hear such negative + snotty commentary from this person. If I try to say something, I'll get yelled at. If it is the other person, she doesn't get yelled at. I hate when life isn't fair sometimes. But I guess that is a part of life. I have to accept it for what it is. 

As for outings, I only go out to get groceries (which hasn't been as much as the first month since this whole pandemic started) and sometimes out to a favorite coffee shop to do pick-up orders + pop on in to get a treat for my sweet toothed family members. 

The things I've been doing as of lately are introducing dance workouts back into my daily fitness regime. My sister introduced me to an IG Live dance workout from Alison + tWitCh from So you think you can dance- they do these every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It doesn't even feel like a workout to me which I love. I still am aiming to get on my yoga mat everyday to do my daily yoga practice (via YouTube and / or Instagram Live). I feel mentally better if I do get on my mat; I do try to walk my doggies around the neighborhood too (just getting outside has been a struggle as of lately). I still occasionally cook + bake (I just did two variants of roasted chickpeas- one spicy, the other just salt + pepper based; did homemade black bean sweet potato veggie burgers those are a work in progress- taste wise; doing more at home cold brew coffee which is good especially if you really like it and find hot coffee in the afternoon doesn't wake you up enough). 

I have not been binging anything on Netflix / Hulu / TV lately; I need some good recommendations right now (comedy preferred but anything will work). I also have been talking to my personal one-on-one support lady over the phone as of recent. It's been nice talking to her about life and nonsense. Anxiety, thankfully, hasn't been as bad as it was when the pandemic started. I've been managing it a bit better. If I get on my mat, making sure I'm eating properly, drinking enough water, and making sure to get outside then I've felt like I won at life. 

But with this month (May) being Mental Health Awarenss month, I've been wanting to focus on more ways I can help out my anxiety. Like I know the basic things (ie writing / journaling, meditating, etc.) But going more deeper, like the things I say to myself that aren't true, and learning to step out of my comfort zone, too. Being home more + not going out as much is a big step out of my comfort zone. I feel if I'm home more I get that depressed feeling (which isn't fun). I don't get too depressed too often, I get the ocassional 'Blue + sad' days and I know what to do if that happens (try to make myself laugh and / or blast happy upbeat music to shake it off some). But to help myself in these dark times the world is dealing with, I made myself a playlist of music on Spotify that I find to be a good blanket. I'll link it if you want to listen to it: http://open.spotify.com/playlist/73GAfeVNBB5ju0lwWHOpw0?si=cOC5ta-NTzGmrWanJ7Fb1Q

And I've been needing to tell myself this situation isn't temporary. I know we will get back to where we want to be. This isn't an overnight thing, it takes time and patience. We will come out of this stronger and better than before. And as a reminder (that I believe we all need to hear sometimes) this I read from a nonprofit called To write love on her arms (not my words, but theirs): You are not here for the sake of a perfect existence. You do not exist to impress or appease or meet standards. Even in your faults, your mistakes, your mishaps, you have made this world more beautiful. Through your struggles, your heartache, your pain, you have brought humility and encouraged grace to grow in spaces that craved honesty. The magic of your soul is not contingent upon flawlessness. Today and always, we need your presence, not your perfection. Those words they spoke for a shirt I looked at (did end up getting) made me almost cry. I loved those words they spoke, I've been needing to hear that more sometimes. 

And to close this post out I'll share some quotes with you that I like:

Sometimes words from others can speak better than words we can say to ourselves. We can say things to ourselves that don't ring out to be true. We say those things to ourselves because we put so much on ourselves everyday that we can't see that we are doing too much. We know we need to take breaks to make ourselves feel better. We need to practice more self-care because it ultimately makes us feel good. But the best thing we can do everyday is journal. I've been journaling everyday since this year started and I encourage you to do it. I'm not forcing you, just try it. Anyways, I'll update you again soon!

Stay safe, be blessed, have gratitude, pray, breathe, and practice self-love. 

Sending love and light out to you!

-Lauren-

An Updated Life Post | April 2020

Hello, again; it's been almost four weeks into being home and being out only when essential. I'm going to share with you what's been new and has anything changed for the most part.

The last time I updated you was on March 17th, 2020; today I'm giving you an update. Truthfully, I've had some good days and bad days. My anxiety was close to a flare up on the 25th of March. I was getting ready to have a panic attack. I had a lot of bulid up a week prior and that worsened it. I had just finished writing a story I've been putting off for a month (to my surprise I liked how it came out too) and that's when the moment happened. But minus my anxiety moment, that story I was putting off I began working on that particular week and it was a nice way to fill the void. I've got one I put off for a few years, and another one to do a tiny bit of research for. Writing is a great hobby to express your inner creative; start small if you want to begin writing more at home. 

I learned to curate my own cookie recipe and I've made it twice since being home. One variant of that recipe was better than the other (in case you were curious). I did also talk to my Grammy in the midst of this a few times being home (I miss her terribly and I cannot wait to hug her after this is over!) and she's been a lifesaver.  I've been out of a routine since this all started and I am learning daily to adjust to this new routine of mine. I prefer not to be out of one but life is teaching that going with the flow of life is a good thing sometimes. But I was having a lot of thoughts of how reality is going to be after all of this. A few of those thoughts is "How are we going to feel getting back to where we used to be before? Do I need to re adjust my routine?" Truthfully, this staying at home aspect is teaching us to go inward and take care of things we've been putting off for far too long. I've been practicing yoga more and I meditate daily for 10 minutes in the morning (I find when I don't do my yoga I feel very funky- not in a good way either) plus go on occasional walks with my dogs, too. Movement is good for someone like me that is very sedentary sometimes. I also try to get outside more as being cooped up sometimes makes me go stir crazy. 

So, the things I've not been missing: the mall (yes as weird as that sounds I don't love it as much as I did), and going to get coffee at coffee shops (I've been loving making coffee at home and my wallet LOVES it too!)

Things I've been missing: Sitting and enjoying my coffee at a coffee shop / writing a story + having a coffee at a coffee shop, going food shopping to Trader Joe's / Whole Foods, going to the movies, going out to eat, doing my personal one-on-one support outings, and Target.

Once this is all over, I think we will have a deeper sense of what reality truly is. We'll appreciate being around those we love a lot more than we should. Outings will be more enjoyable; walks around the park / trail will be more therapeutic for those that love to exercise outside. But for the time being, stay safe, practice self care daily, and know once this is done life will still feel like it should be. It will feel good once again. 

Some nice quotes for you awesome peeps out there (in case you need it):

Hopefully, you all are doing things that bring you joy. Filling that void daily is good for the soul. Hope these quotes can serve as a reminder for you. I will update you again soon. And in case you didn't hear it today, you are doing a great job protecting yourself and being safe and letting those people on the frontlines help battle this deadly virus from those that are infected. You go do something that you love. And I'll be here. Still at home like you all should be. 

Create.

Write.

Make Art.

Dance.

Breathe.

Love.

Peace.

Happiness.

Life.

Sending you love and awesome hugs your way.

With love,

 Lauren

How I've Been Feeling About Life As Of Lately | March 2020

I was going to do this particular post as a video but I kept getting distracted and also I didn't know what words to say. So instead, I'll make this as a post instead. I normally can handle things really well day by day but sometimes when we get thrown something unexpected I lose control. My anxiety spirals and sometimes I have a even harder time controlling it, too. I know I should not stress over any situations that come in life. I know it will pass but sometimes it's physically hard for me to understand.

With what is going on right now, I don't know if it will ever feel like normal again. I just want a place to go out to, be around people (I love family don't worry here), and see the world for the beauty that it is. But I feel like cut off from that right now, and I don't want this to become my reality. Because reality right now (excuse my french) f***ing sucks. I can't do the normal things anymore. I feel so trapped in my own thoughts I have no way of controlling it. That's the point of no return. I haven't felt this anxious / sad combo since my breakup back in 2015.

It's hard when you feel trapped in the house in the house all the time and people tell you, "Go outside." Well, I get it; I'm just not going to listen; period. I think it's my ego telling me not to go outside. Maybe it's that I don't know. I want to stop the excessive crying and the idea of feeling lonely (when I know I am not). I know I am not alone feeling this way. I know things will be okay again. I just have the world's worst patience (my family knows me well enough when it comes to this) and I know I'll be able to enjoy outings rather than dreading them. I can get through this. I will get through this. I will be okay again. I will be safe with those that love me. I will nourish myself with the things that bring me joy daily. I will not let this anxiousness get out of control anymore longer. I will release the fear and stress and send it away; Far, far away.

The only thing I want in this world again is to be safe.

So, if I haven't preached it enough- self care is essential to getting through tough times like these- I'll share a few of my favorites to combat this pain / anxiousness / sadness you may be feeling right now:

• Popping on a fun face mask and getting lost in a movie that you absolutely love (I did this week and the movie was Steel Magnolias- iconic movie).
• Watching the sunset.
• Baking your favorite treat.
• Listening to music while having a dance party for one (or invite those around you to dance).
• Buying yourself fresh flowers or a plant (I've been thinking about getting my own plant to tend to soon).
• A warm bubble bath and a mug of tea (or wine- I don't judge here!).

In case you need someone to talk to, I'm here. You can always follow me on my Instagram @lam1792- I'm always on there. But for the time being I'll share some quotes to know things will get better again:

Hopefully this blog post was therapeutic for you (if isn't- apologies!), and know we will get out of the darkness and rise back again (just like a Phoenix). Stay safe, wash your hands, drink lots of water, care for yourself, and be happy- that's the most important one there! 

With Love,

Lauren