How I've Been Feeling About Life As Of Lately | March 2020

I was going to do this particular post as a video but I kept getting distracted and also I didn't know what words to say. So instead, I'll make this as a post instead. I normally can handle things really well day by day but sometimes when we get thrown something unexpected I lose control. My anxiety spirals and sometimes I have a even harder time controlling it, too. I know I should not stress over any situations that come in life. I know it will pass but sometimes it's physically hard for me to understand.

With what is going on right now, I don't know if it will ever feel like normal again. I just want a place to go out to, be around people (I love family don't worry here), and see the world for the beauty that it is. But I feel like cut off from that right now, and I don't want this to become my reality. Because reality right now (excuse my french) f***ing sucks. I can't do the normal things anymore. I feel so trapped in my own thoughts I have no way of controlling it. That's the point of no return. I haven't felt this anxious / sad combo since my breakup back in 2015.

It's hard when you feel trapped in the house in the house all the time and people tell you, "Go outside." Well, I get it; I'm just not going to listen; period. I think it's my ego telling me not to go outside. Maybe it's that I don't know. I want to stop the excessive crying and the idea of feeling lonely (when I know I am not). I know I am not alone feeling this way. I know things will be okay again. I just have the world's worst patience (my family knows me well enough when it comes to this) and I know I'll be able to enjoy outings rather than dreading them. I can get through this. I will get through this. I will be okay again. I will be safe with those that love me. I will nourish myself with the things that bring me joy daily. I will not let this anxiousness get out of control anymore longer. I will release the fear and stress and send it away; Far, far away.

The only thing I want in this world again is to be safe.

So, if I haven't preached it enough- self care is essential to getting through tough times like these- I'll share a few of my favorites to combat this pain / anxiousness / sadness you may be feeling right now:

• Popping on a fun face mask and getting lost in a movie that you absolutely love (I did this week and the movie was Steel Magnolias- iconic movie).
• Watching the sunset.
• Baking your favorite treat.
• Listening to music while having a dance party for one (or invite those around you to dance).
• Buying yourself fresh flowers or a plant (I've been thinking about getting my own plant to tend to soon).
• A warm bubble bath and a mug of tea (or wine- I don't judge here!).

In case you need someone to talk to, I'm here. You can always follow me on my Instagram @lam1792- I'm always on there. But for the time being I'll share some quotes to know things will get better again:

Hopefully this blog post was therapeutic for you (if isn't- apologies!), and know we will get out of the darkness and rise back again (just like a Phoenix). Stay safe, wash your hands, drink lots of water, care for yourself, and be happy- that's the most important one there! 

With Love,

Lauren