I've had a lot to reflect on in the past 7 years. I know this wasn't a easy time in my life to overcome and it definitely took it's time (oh, it did!). I was in a terrible time in my life and I didn't know what to do with myself. I definitely was more alone than I should've been. Did I make mistakes I wasn't proud of in that relationship? Absolutely. But I didn't want to be with someone that didn't love me the same. Someone that had bent up anger issues and a temper (which scared me more than anything!). I didn't feel safe then, but now since that time ended I feel safer without that person in my life. He was someone that wasn't good for me to begin with and I definitely felt better without him in my life. To watch shows that made me happy, listen to music that made me feel the same way and to live a life without someone telling me what I cannot do with my life. I definitely am not the same person I was then. I never wanted to revisit that person ever again. She was someone I wish I didn't become but I became someone better than that person before. I like being authentically myself. I just really do! Who I am now is what I've become. That breakup definitely taught me a lot but it teach me one thing- I am happier now than I was then. I have my days of where I reflect, but don't dwell too much to the point of my anxiety spiraling. Getting help within that breakup was definitely needed the most and having a good support system helped too (even if it did lead me to almost taking my own life in 2016- without my parents there I probably wouldn't be talking to you right now). I speak up about my mental health more now than when I was going through it. Your mental health- including mine- is something you shouldn't be ashamed of talking about. I am someone you can talk to about it, a family member, friend, a therapist, etc. If you need help, don't be afraid to ask. Again, I definitely needed more now and then; without help, my life would've been out of control and I wouldn't know where to land- where to feel grounded even. I'm glad to no longer be in a place of distress (even if it does sneak up on me sometimes) and glad to no longer be someone's object of their affections (desires even)- really am glad about this specific statement here. One key note to end this, love yourself like you love your best friend and make sure to give yourself grace when the times are hard (take all the time you need if you begin feeling this way- I find taking social media breaks great sometimes).
-Sending all the love and light who may need it most-
Lauren, your trusty coffee shop buddy who will listen to all of your problems (no matter if they are good or bad)- I'll listen.
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