This is the first post of the new decade and year! Happy 2020, everyone! I felt like I haven't written anything for you guys in a while. The holidays at the end of last year had some things I wasn't expecting and some of it fell into this new year (which I had hoped it wouldn't). Hoping for more resolvements, peace and good things into this new year.
I've been doing thinking over the course of the last 10 years. Just 10 years ago (2010), I was still in high school getting ready to turn 18 (legal to vote y'all! whoo!) and had plenty of friends of who I would chat up with at the time. Graduated a year later (2011), then the latter years (2012-2015) still debated what to do with my life. I'm still debating some of those decisions to this day (ie online schooling, jobs, etc). 2015, was the first romantic relationship I was ever in and truth be told, I wasn't the happiest I had ever been. Towards the end of 2015, the relationship hit its peak and I wasn't worth it to anyone anymore. Started going to therapy around then; 2016, left the negativity behind and went forward to a "journey" of learning to love myself within. 2017, conquered my first international trip to London with most of my family and grandparents. 2018, hit a peak age of 26 (nearing the end of my 20s- turned 25 the year before last); 2019, I felt like I was becoming someone I enjoyed being around; I was learning the art of my own company much more better than before.
Now, we are in 2020; this decade I turn 30 (which is surprising) and hoping to do some online schooling. But what fascinated me reflecting on those past years was the growth I had to get to become the person that I am today. Not every mountain has its perfect peaks, the steps up to that mountain were wobbly. Learning to get past toxic friendships / relationships and know that there will be better people that will love being around you no matter what. Knowing you don't have to have your life figured out as soon as you get out of high school. Taking that time to figure it out is what is most important.
Being friends with some of the people I met in high school were great. Do I speak to any of them now? Personally not anymore; that was then and this is now. I can choose to not let myself in. I can choose goodness over negativity. One of the people I was supposedly friends with, I no longer speak to (this was back in 2016 by the way). She was a very negative person, attention seeker, and always got my anxiety worked up sometimes. Is that a good example of a friend? NO! Do remove those people out of your life- you will feel 10 times better than before.
The past romantic relationship taught a lot about myself (with it being in love for the first time). Experiencing all of these feelings, and having everyone to watch what you would do next. It made me feel anxious / worried a lot. But sometimes being alone with someone can be good, sometimes it cannot be good. Then I realized who I was in the relationship, and I didn't like being that person very much. It made me feel uncomfortable, period. I got out and being on my own now is better than someone telling you that you have to obey what they want you to do. Tell yourself you don't like this, and know you can get out of this situation. Don't let someone dictate your worth.
Doing therapy around the time of the breakup taught a lot- that you are allowed to have feelings and those feelings are valid no matter what you are physically going through as a human being. You can grow beyond that worth that you didn't think you had before. Therapy was also a way of bonding with my dad when he would start taking me (I feel like we had a better father-daughter relationship because of that). And also know this from personal experience, get the help if you can physically afford it; it will help in the long run; knowing you are worth it in the world is the greatest feeling you will ever get.
Growing beyond all of what shaped me into the person that I am now. I know now I am worth it. I know I am loved. I know I valued and appreciated. I know that everyday won't be perfect and I'm accepting that much better than I used to.
Life sometimes changes for the good; it will change for the better; it will also be something you take with you in life everyday. Change happens when we don't expect it and sometimes we have to accept that change that we are given. It may freak us out at first but knowing that we can accept the change for good.
Sometimes life gets us thinking and sometimes all we want to do is forget it. Reflecting is a part of our lives (just dwell on it when it feels most appropriate), and knowing we can go back whenever we feel like it. Take this with you into 2020: accept change, accept growth and accept the feelings you are given. You are one human with one life; live it how you choose to live it.
Hope everyone has had a good start to 2020 so far! See you in future posts!
-With Love from Lauren-
